Neighbours are unique because we know them well – sometimes, a little too well – and yet we aren’t always friends. But good relationships with our neighbours can make life easier. So how do you ‘love your neighbour,’ and what should you avoid when it comes to establishing healthy relationships?
Sometimes, it’s about simply being tolerant, particularly in cities or tightly packed suburbs where other people and their habits are harder to ignore. This doesn’t mean you should accept ongoing issues such as constantly barking dogs or 3am parties every weekend, but it’s worth cutting everyone some slack.
That family with the loud kids are at least quiet after 9pm every single night. That usually considerate accountant upstairs, screaming his head off to Guns & Roses with twenty of his mates, is celebrating a significant birthday, so put some earplugs in and leave him to it. Those noisy building works will end, eventually, and one day it may be your household with the builders in.
Unless your neighbours are truly antisocial, not being too much of a complainer will actually make your own life easier.
If you are buying a new home, try and get a feel for the area with some discreet research by visiting a potential property at different times of the day. This can save bad-neighbour headaches later on.
When you live side by side, boundaries are just as important as friendliness. Introduce yourself to your neighbours and build up some good will so that if you do have issues later, you’re at least on civil terms. If you end up being friends, great, but first and foremost stay polite and considerate.
Stay in touch. Set up a street WhatsApp so you can update each other on local happenings, such as a spate of burglaries or upcoming road works.
Share, re-use, recycle. Leave unwanted things out on the street, such as good-quality furniture or excess produce from the garden. Joining the annual Garage Sale Trail will promote a neighbourly spirit. And setting up a street library is a fun way to pass on what you don't need, from books your kids have outgrown to ones you know you won’t read again. The circular economy is the future!
Throw a party. If you live on a cul-de-sac, a street party can be a wonderful way to meet new people and boost that sense of community.
Look out for each other. Keep an eye on your neighbour’s house when they are away, and ask them to return the favour. Check in on elderly people if you haven’t seen them for a while, and let them know you are happy to help out in an emergency.
Small acts of kindness go a long way. Taking in each other’s parcels, tidying up common areas and simply waving hello will all promote a friendly attitude that makes your home a place you’ll enjoy coming back to. If you have to see your neighbours every day, it's better to exchange a friendly smile than a frosty nod.
Show your appreciation. When your neighbours help you out – by not moaning about building works, or watering your garden when you’re away, or letting you into their house when you are locked out – be sure to thank them with flowers or a bottle of wine.
Remember that kindness benefits you, too. Helping someone with a DIY problem if you have the skills, dropping off food to a new mum, or driving an elderly neighbour to the shop mean a lot to the recipient and also benefit the giver. Scientific research shows that acts of altruism really do give us a ‘warm glow’ thanks to a rush of endorphins that comes from simply doing something for someone else with no prospect of reward.
If your neighbours are truly anti-social, you can contact your local council and see what your options are when it comes to loud parties or barking dogs, for example. Or you can wait for them to move out, or go yourself.
Living alongside others can be stressful, and not everyone is cut out for it. If that’s you, and you’re dreaming of a life without neighbours, a rural property might suit you better. But for many of us, good neighbours are a reason to stay in an area – and it’s always worth building those relationships where you can.
